brian quotes galore

[erraticonstilts]

here's a list of all the best (well, most, i guess) brian quotes. thanks to everyone who helped! :)


*"so are you coming or going? or coming, and then going? or coming and staying?" - 101

"well what is this, a missile launch?" - 101

"A-B-C-D-E-E-E!" - 101

"good boy. you get an a+" - 101

"why do i do these things?" - 101

"there's no such thing as enough. besides, i couldn’t send him off without a nourishing high-protein breakfast. it's grrreat!" - 101

*"you should have just said, 'i take it up the ass, sweetheart, deal with it.'" - 102

"so, dawson, how are things down at the creek?" - 102

"i don't believe in love; i believe in fucking. it's honest, it's efficient; you get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit." - 102

"in fact, he's kind of sweet." - 103

"didn't your mom ever teach you to wash your hands?" - 103

"are you going to come eat the chicken?" - 104

"i tune out self pity, it makes my dick soft." - 106

"fuck groups." "i thought you did." "occasionally. but it's by invitation only." - 106

"wassup is you left my door unlocked. wassup is this is not a hotel room, and you're not on your blond ambition tour. wassup is your mother paid me a little visit today. and finally, wassup is you're going to take off my shirt and clean up your shit." - 108

*"he's gonna get an extra special kick, later. now you can either stand around here eatin' jambalaya or you can come upstairs and eat mah ass!" - 108

"so in other words, for justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is, what he thinks, and how he feels. well, that's not love. that's hate." - 108

*"and you look lovely." - 109

*"fan-fucking-tastic." - 110

"are these particularly hard questions?" - 112

"you said it was an alliance. what better way for everyone to come together?" - 116

*"what if my aunt had balls? she'd be my uncle." - 117

*"hey, novotny!" - 117

"you should do him." "what do you mean, 'do him'?" "i'll get you an instruction manual." - 118

"what's up, doc?" - 118

*"and after all the trouble i went to, to make you the best homosexual i could. ... yeah, lucky for you, otherwise i wouldn't be wasting my time. but it's too late now. there's no turning back." - 118

"i thought i'd recapture my lost youth." - 122

*"even if it was ridiculously romantic." - 122

"why are you doing this?" "what, driving with no hands?" - 202

*"and then you turned around and, um, smiled. then i knew why debbie calls you 'sunshine.'" - 202

*"like the first time?" - 202

"the kids at school will like, puke they'll be like, so jealous...i'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day." - 203

*"hey stud, wanna dance? ... i promise you won't forget this one." - 204

"i thought you might be greasin' the old pole." - 205

"what if a condom breaks? or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?" "or he shoots off his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass." - 207

"we're really lucky." "what, living in this land of plenty? ... i want you safe, i want you around for a long time." - 207

"have you tried soaking it?" "how about a cold shower?" "what about scaring it?" "that's hiccups." "BOO!" ... "good idea. why don't you two show him your tits?" ... "why, what's next monday?" "flag day!" - 209

"what kind of homosexual are you?" "the kind that fucks men." - 213

*"little mikey's jealous! little mikey's jealous! ... you think they did it? you think he slipped her the big greaser? ... it's just your garden variety, oedipal thing. all your life you've been her little man, and all of a sudden some big old dick pops up and threatens to take her away. and you're hurt, you're angry, you're mad enough to kill." - 214

"you have anything on you?" "yeah, 16 pounds of cocaine and 24 ounces of heroin." "this is no time to be funny!" "who's being funny? ... officer, i'd be more than happy to drive these two gentlemen home." - 214

"home by three or my balls turn into pumpkins." - 214

"it's fucking four in the morning." "creativity doesn't punch a time clock!" "oh my god, that is so profound. can you hold on a minute while i write it down?" - 215

"i'm not an asshole, i was just drawn that way." - 215

"hey sunshine! your partner just made partner." - 217

"i'm immune." "to penicillin? to clever literary references." - 219

"go take a shower. you stink." - 219

"my widdle key." - 301

"gotta piss." - 301

*"ah milked it mahself. ... yo bitches, i'm offering to lend a hand." - 303

"i haven't sold my soul, i'm just billing for time and expenses." - 305

*"you expect him to sacrifice his career for a piece of blond boy ass? is that your idea of true love, sunshine?" - 305

"ben needs more muscles like i need another cock." - 306

*"do i detect a discordant note in love's tender refrain?" - 307

"i guess there's no accounting for some people's taste." - 307

*"the ubiquitous justin taylor. ... what happened to the love that was gonna last for an eternity?" - 308

*"that is so like you! you don't hear what you want, so you leave. try standing up for yourself for a change. have some balls." - 308

*"you also understand that you'll be required to work long, hard hours, sometimes...deep into the night? ... and you are never to play violin music in my presence again." - 308

"that's a difficult question to answer given the limitations of the language, the conventionality of most people's thinking. let's just say he's the guy i fuck more than once." - 309

"yeah, and don't forget - she's a cwazy wesbian!" - 310

*"this sucks." "and not in a positive, life-affirming way." - 311

"aaamazing." - 311

"when did you get to be such a clever devil?" - 311

"wanna finish?" - 311

"your secret's safe with me, señorita." - 311

"i've got to hand it to you, kid, you've got a lot of, spunk." - 313

"well, he already has a boyfriend." "you do?" "in a non-defined, non-conventional way, yeah." - 313

"we're cop-ulating." - 314

"it's a shame, we make such a lovely couple. we're both...tall." - 314

"i think i'm experiencing possession withdrawal. i need to lie down." - 314

"some asshole told me that if you believe in something strongly enough, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything." - 314

"special as in unique, fabulous, one-of-a-kind, or special as in there are schools where they can teach them to dress themselves?" - 401

"it was either cut my expenses or cut my wrists, so i just opted for the tidier of the two." - 401

"i'd rather have my tongue super-glued to a lesbian's twat." - 402

"yeah well, that's the thing about being a superhero. the average person thinks it's all about stopping two planets from colliding or saving the universe from being swallowed by a black hole. but most days, it's just your average run-of-the-mill good deeds." - 403

"i've always dreamed of having an office with a drain in the floor." - 403

"but like jesus, and liza, and judy, he's making a comeback." - 403

*"show me on the doll where the bad man touched you." - 405

*"i'm still g-g-g-gorgeous!" - 414

"would you stop using the word 'seriously'?" - 414

"and as for the times when you're not around, i wouldn't particularly mind it if you were. ... well, then what do you say? should i make room in my drawers for your drawers?" - 414

"i'm a cock-sucker! i'm queer! and to anyone who takes pity or offense, i say, 'judge yourself.' this is where i live. this is who i am." - 501

"how do you like, 'when you're hungry for a big cock!'? yeah, they didn't like it either." - 503

"not before you give me some, mon amour." - 504

"i'm not going to their fucking party." "why not?" "because i'm going to a fucking party." - 506

"you finally grew a heart." "maybe you'll have the same luck growing a penis." - 513

"whether we see each other next weekend or next month...or never again, it doesn’t matter. it's only time." - 513

"you did it. ... became, the best homosexual you could possibly be." - 513

"listen to me. are you listening?" - 102, 218, 304, 403, 501, and others. if anyone knows any specifically, please tell me.

"yo, bitches, tear each other's hair out later." - ?

thank you professor kinney, i've learned so much! :P

Comments

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

That was a fun walk down memory lane.

Good girl. You get an A+. *winks*

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

glad you enjoyed it! it's a lane i'd like to walk down more often.

bwaha, thanks. do i get the same reward justin did? ;)

[miss-sarac.livejournal.com]

Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me... the night Justin was bashed and I called you and you were about to get on a plane, and you came here and you sat with me for three days waiting to see if he was going to live or die. If it hadn't been for you, I never would've made it. It was because of you. You're strong enough for both of us, and you're gonna be strong for Ben.

from ep 218 (that's actually one of my absolute favorites)

"living in this land of plenty?": um that's from ep 207, the 'I want you safe' scene. Justin says something like do you know how lucky we are...

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

oh yeah. i haven't seen that one in a long time, i should rewatch it.

yes! i remember now. thank you :D

[waterlanding.livejournal.com]

"i'm still g-g-g-gorgeous!"

I've constantly got that line stuck in my head. I blame you. :P

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

you know you like it ;) ever since i watched that episode not too long ago, that line pops up in my head randomly. like, everyday. not that i mind.

[turnyourankle.livejournal.com]

Sooooo. I think I now have a reference post for whenever I need to freshen up my userinfo. Oh that Brian, his puns are so bad yet so good.

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

ha, awesome! i linked to this post in my userinfo. i love brian's puns. even the bad ones. especially the bad ones. it's in my interests, such is the love :D

[paddies.livejournal.com]

*LOVES*

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

we owe it all to brian :D

[daphne121.livejournal.com]

Brian has the best lines ever.

Stop making me watch QAF when I've got work to do!

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

he totally does. i have fun trying to work some into rl situations :)

it's all part of my evil plan, bwahaha!

[qaf-fan.livejournal.com]

God I love Brian!

Thanks for these!

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

me too! so much :D

you're welcome :)

[starspider.livejournal.com]

You forgot- "in an undefined, non-conventional sort of way, yeah"
Something like that. Don't know it word for word, but one of my faves.

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

oh yeah! that's from 313, i think. at michael and ben's, with hunter. thanks! :)

[marilla-pm67.livejournal.com]

love them

you forgot :
You know..you're not so bad looking... in fact, you look better like this way. You should die more often. Or live, so I don't have to say yes. Yes i'll do it, i'll give you what you want, what you need. But dont think it's for you, cause it's not, it's for me.
Brian to Ted after his overdose - Episode 104.

So in other words, for Justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is... what he thinks... and how he feels. Well, that's not love. That's hate.
Brian to Craig - Episode 108.

Don’t you know you still have your powers, all your powers, And you always will. Weather you’re eighteen, or you’re thirty, or you’re fifty or you’re one hundred. you will always be young, and you will always be beautiful. You’re Brian Kinney for fuck sake!
Michael to Brian - Episode 122.

What, and you’re so smart? If you had any fucking brains at all, you would of never let me leave, you would have told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life, that I would live to regret it, that what you gave me was worth a thousand, a million times more than anything he had to offer, you would have told me that you love me…that you would go on loving me, even after I was gone.
Justin to Brian - Episode 308.

Trick : Who's he
Brian : um, it’s a difficult question to answer given the limitation of the language, the conventionality of most peoples thinking. Um, Lets just say he’s the guy I fuck more than once.
Justin : Unlike you !
Brian to trick - Episode 309

Brian : We’re queer.  We don’t need marriage.  We don’t need the sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priests.  We fuck who we want to, when we want to.  That is our God-given right.
Episode 413 - Brian To Michael after Ben propose

My sweet Emmett. Mourn the losses because they're many. But celebrate the victories because they're few.
Episode 314 - Debbie to Emett

Fuck off!  I can do it!  Did you ever see that story on TV about the women who had cancer. Anyway, they all had cancer so what do they do, they go to this boot camp where they have to climb over walls and crawl through the mud, swing over these bottomless pits while this former Luftwaffe drill sergeant terrorizes them.  I’m watching this and I’m thinking, Christ!  Don’t these crazy bitches have enough shit to deal with? Then one of ‘em comes out of this swamp that’s full of fucking crocodiles or sharks or something and she’s laughing.  Laughing!  She says, “If I can survive this, I can survive anything.”
Episode 414 - Brian to Michael

So the thumpa-thumpa continues. It always will, no matter what happens, no matter who's President. As Our Lady of Disco, the Divine Miss Gloria Gaynor, has always sung to us, "We will survive."
Michael at the end - Episode 513

My mother was a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling or unable to form a committed long-term relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less redefined promiscuity doesn't help, much. As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean most to me.
Brian to Ted - Episode 509

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

wow, great quotes! i'm just concentrating on the ones brian actually says, but thanks for your help :)

[tamalinn.livejournal.com]

wow, thanks for compiling this. but there's one missing!

"what kind of homosexual are you?"
"the kind that fucks men." from 207, i think.

and the whole exchange about ted's priapism in 209:

"have you tried soaking it?"
"what about scaring it?"
"that's hiccups."
"BOO!"
...
"good idea. why don't both of you show him your tits?"
...
"why, what's next monday?"
"flag day!"

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

you're welcome!

ah yes, i like that one.

i knew there were more i was forgetting! that's a hilarious scene. thanks for your help :D

[jovifan.livejournal.com]

Mmmm... hi. I just added you, since I love your journal, your userpics and this entry ;-)

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

yay, awesome! welcome to the insanity ;)

[cherrygurl31.livejournal.com]

"he's gonna get an extra special kick, later. now you can either stand around here eatin' jambalaya or you can come upstairs and eat mah ass!" - 108 That's one of my favorites!!!

I also love:

"And what would be practical, Theodore? To get married? And move to the suburbs? And become a home-lovin', child-raisin', God-fearin' imitation heterosexual? And for what? So that I can become another dead soul, goin' to the mall, droppin' my kids off at school, and having barbecues in the backyard? That's *their* death. Not mine. I'm a cock-sucker! I'm queer! And to anyone who takes pity or offense, I say, "judge yourself." This is where I live. This is who I am." (Forget which Season 5 Ep this is from)

"I'd rather have my tongue super-glued to a lesbian's twat." (402)


I really enjoyed reading all those quotes!! :)

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

me too! i love the way gale says that :D

i like that, too. i haven't seen s5 enough to remember which episode, but i'll look. thanks :)

haha, that's a good one!

yay! brian quotes are the best.

[lorn86.livejournal.com]

those are fantastic, thanks for posting
here are a few of my favorites (incase you care to know):

"listen, you cant stay. Ive got someone coming over in approximately 7 ½ inches."

"I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day"

"yo, bitches, tear each other's hair out later"

Ted: You have anything on you?
Brian: Yeah, 16 pounds of cocaine and 24 ounces of heroin.
Ted: This is no time to be funny!
Brian: Who's being funny?
(i know that one isnt just brain, but it cracks me up)

"I'm not an asshole, I was just drawn that way"
(im thinking that one is a reference to jessic rabbit)

"Yeah well, that's the thing about being a superhero. The average person thinks it's all about stopping two planets from colliding or saving the universe from being swallowed by a black hole. But most days, it's just your average run-of-the-mill good deeds"

"I've always dreamed of having an office with a drain in the floor"

"Are you going to come eat the chicken?"

i could go one forever, but ill stop there :o)

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

you're welcome!

whenver brian says 'yo, bitches,' i die :D

that scene's hilarious!

probably. 'i'm not bad, i was just drawn that way' or whatever.

haha, that's a good one.

these are really good! thanks for helping :)

[gummibarengirl.livejournal.com]

what about in 308 when Brian says "that is so LIKE you! You don't hear what you want so you leave. How about sticking up for yourself for a change? Have some fucking balls!" :::kiss:::

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

gah, of course! one of my favorite scenes :D

[sorcha5.livejournal.com]

I loved the "my widdle key" remark and noone else ever mentioned it. So I was glad to see it listed along with so many other classic, Brian'isms.
..thanks for the great memories...reading it you just heard Brian's voice saying each and every one of them !

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

it deserved to be mentioned, i love the way he says that.

you're welcome! i know, everytime i read them i hear his voice :D

[equanimity23.livejournal.com]

That was fun to read through. Thanks for posting it! While there are quotes I love from every character on the show, you're probably right that Brian's are the best, they span the spectrum from obnoxious through snarky to heartfelt and poignant.

You've listed most (all?) of the best ones. Another one I love is:

"I am without a doubt the worst candidate for marriage alive, but conversely that's also that reason I'm the best candidate"(511). I love it Because the logic is silly but the emotions are sincere.

and I love when Brian snarks at Ted "Is that why you're in disguise" when he see's Ted's new look @ Poppers for the first time.

Thanks again! =)

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

you're welcome! exactly. there's plenty of snark and lame puns and brutal honesty, but there's also real love and caring, and that's what makes me melt.

i like it, but i didn't include it because the whole marriage thing made me :/

haha, i love that too :D

thanks for your help! :)

[abcd-e-e-e.livejournal.com]

don't forget the one that inspired my username!:

(Michael): "Brian, what'd you take?"
(Brian): "A-B-C-D-E-E-E!"

thanks for putting the other quotes together, though! i already added to my memories...

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

haha, of course! i shall add that.

you're welcome! and yay :D

p.s. love your icon.

[cuemypulse.livejournal.com]

"or he shoots off his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass"

OHMYGOD. I just watched this episode a few nights ago and I die every time I hear it. Brian is the best. Hands down.

"My widdle key"

LMAO So cute, makes me giggle.

"you also understand that you'll be required to work long, hard hours, sometimes...deep into the night?"

..."It would be a PLEASURE to work under you, Mr. Kinney"

bahaha ♥

Holy mother of God...he has the best lines. I'm re-watching the series (well, up until 410 *wink*) with my friend and I will seriously NEVER get enough of it. Ever. haha

Great quotes!

[erraticonstilts.livejournal.com]

that's definitely a scene i need to watch more. brian is totally the best.

ha, i love all the double entendres ;)

i'm going to be rewatching it with my friend, too. i know, it doesn't get old! no matter how many times i watch it, i still love it :D

yeah brian!